


You Won´t See Me

by caffeinegrooves



Category: The Worst Journey in the World - Apsley Cherry-Garrard
Genre: Cape Evans, Edwardian era, Heartbreak, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, alternative universe, amtarctica, coldfic, golden age of polar exploration, open end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinegrooves/pseuds/caffeinegrooves
Summary: Sometimes you only realise how much someone means to you when you see them leave, unsure if they will ever return again.
Relationships: Apsley Cherry-Garrard/Edward Leicester "Atch" Atkinson, Apsley Cherry-Garrard/Henry Robertson "Birdie" Bowers, Laurence Edward Grace "Titus" Oates/Henry Cecil Meares (implied)
Kudos: 2





	You Won´t See Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in October 2017, and thought maybe someone would be interested, although, yes the fandom is small.  
> I decided to post it in one go after deleting the original chapters.  
> Anyways! I changed the story a little but its finished now, so enjoy.

“My God Atch! It isnt as easy as you might think! I have never confessed before.. and I dont even know if he likes me that way..”, the brunette hushed as they passed the stables.

Atch sighed. “Then dont bother me with it! If you like him then tell him, for gods sake. I´ve played your matchmaker for long enough now.” The other man adjusted his pipe and blew a cloud of smoke out of his mouth, which collided with the frozen breath of his walking mate.

“As you know, I didnt plan on telling you all this... I was terribly drunk”, Cherry let out a frustrated breath and ruffled his hair. It had grown longer since he left england and he had told Atch that he actually didnt cared enough to cut it, why though? They were going to be alone for years. No civilsation, no people, so society, just them.

Atch chuckled. “Never mind. We all were terribly drunk. but I was quite a bit shocked to be honest. I mean, its Birdie.”

The hard snow cracked under their steps and in the dark it was difficult to make out anything. They might as well have been walking in the wrong direction all this time.

They were just taking a walk to the ramp, to St. Vincents cross in the darkness of the antarctic winter and as always when they were alone, Cherry had brought up that certain topic.

“I know, I know! He isnt an eyecandy, but he´s perfect for me and he makes me feel so... warm? I really dont know why it is him I just know that it is him and that I´m behaving like a fool when he´s around.”

“Oh god, please stop this cheesy stuff before I´m going to throw up!”, Atch shook his head and stopped to look around. The cross was nowhere in sight.

“I thought you two were the greatest friends?”

“We are, yes. But this only makes it worse! I mean its so natural for us to hug and touch and smile at each other and-”

“-Cherry I think we took the wrong way again. Damn this darkness. We should bring two lanterns the next time.”,he interrupted him and flung the other lantern, that went off long ago on the icy surface.

“Oh”, was all Cherry could say at that moment. “Lets just go back. Dinner must be ready soon and you know how much the owner hates people being late.”

Atch nod and took another pull at his pipe. The smoke coming out of his mouth was thinner and weaker now.

“So, how are you gonna do it? If you wont tell him, how do you plan on doing it?”

“I dont know for gods sake! That´s why i´m asking you. I mean since you´re older you must know such things right? I never had a romance before..”

The older one surpressed his laugh at the word romance and furrowed his eyebrows. Birdie and Cherry, a romance? Oh no. this was ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as falling for Birdie. Henry Robertson Bowers, a small, sturdy man, with a nose as large as a birds beak, reddish hair and pink skin. Plus he had a terrible scottish accent.  
How could Cherry like him?

“Then you´re asking the wrong person. Im by far not known for being a romantic.”, Was his short answer.

The younger one sighed in frustration and stomped along. They were at a hill and could see cape Evans now. The small lights from the windows beamed at them and a homely feeling overcome them at the sight.

Atch tapped out his pipe and put it in this pocket. “Cherry?”

“Yes”  
“Do you ...I mean are you naturally... “, he couldnt find the right words “I mean since Birdie is a man, do you-”

“-No, i´m not into men, I suppose”, Cherry laughed. “It´s just him. He´s the only man for whom I have those feelings. Would it be a problem if I was?”

“Of course not! I was just asking. I dont think being attracted to men is a crime to be honest. On expeditions this happens often. You know, men need affection and warmth. And when there are no woman they just tend to-”

“-Do you want to say that my love is not real? That i´m just imagining it because I need affection?”, The younger one said flatly and looked at him.

“I mean, have you ever thought of it? Maybe you´re not in love. Maybe you just like him?”, He asked carefully.

Cherry looked down at his feet and furrowed his brows. The wind was chill. And cold enough to get frostbites.  
“I dont think so.”, he finally said. “I mean, when you want to kiss a person and be in their arms and feel giddy around them, get nervous when they´re near you, although you have no reason to, isn´t this love?”

Of course, it was a rhetorical question.

Atch hummed at this answer and nod and before the weird image of Birdie and Cherry kissing flashed across his mind, he brunette interrupted his thoughts.

“Look, Atch. I like you, but my heart isnt racing when i´m around you and I dont start to stutter and get the overwhelming desire to press my lips on yours when we´re together.”

“Thanks God!”

They laughed.

“Thats why I guess it really is love. Since its so different from my normal feelings for friends.”

They were now a few steps away from the hut and the homely smell of food greeted them, the lights from the windows lit up their faces, so that they could make out the others features for the first time during the whole walk.

Cherry looked so young and pure. It was going to be his adventure for a lifetime he had told everyone. And he only was 25 years old, the second youngest in the team. Atch himself was 28, just like Birdie.

A shy and rather reserved but still optimistic and cheery nature, made him win the hearts of almost everyone of the crew. Also, he was excpetionally good looking.  
Thick, dark hair; big, warm brown eyes, a pointed nose, pink lips.

“Where are your glasses? Arent you blind as a snake?”

“I cant really see better with them in this darkness and they make me look stupid”, he laughed again “I dont like them.”

They kicked off the ice on heir boots and tAtch was about to open the door, as Cherry got a hold of his arm.

“You wont tell anyone right?”  
He had pleading eyes and an unsure expression was on his face.  
“No, of course not. Your secret is safe. Or do you want me to do something about it?”

“On the one side, I want to do this all by myself and I hate dragging you into this, but on the other side I´m just so insecure and unexperienced in these things, you know?”

“Honestly, I dont get it. Why are you shy around him, when he´s one of your best friends?”

“Now I finally understand why people call love complicated.”,Cherry mumbled and waved his arms around pathetically. “You dont have to be my matchmaker, I just need someone to talk about it”

“Ok, Now you really behave like a fool.”

Cherry rolled his eyes at the comment and continued to get the ice out of his boots with a skistick

“I told you on new years eve. By accident.”, the brunette emphasized.

“And what has happened till now? You didnt kiss, did he even give you any hint, that he might possibly maybe like you back? Excuse me- love you back?”

“No. Not at all.”, suddenly Cherry looked sad. His face fell and he put the ski stick aside, his boots still completely iced up.  
Atch felt sorry.

“Hey, head up. We will be here for two other years so there´s enough time! I hooked up two of my friends already, so you have a professional.”, he winked and patted Cherry´s shoulder.

The younger one chuckled bitterly “Thanks Atch. God, what would I do without you”

“Let´s be realistic, you´d probably have gone to Bill.”

They laughed again. Cherry much louder this time. “I dont think so! Bill would probably do an exorcism with me when he´d find out I love a man.”

Now it was Atch´s turn to laugh and Cherry joined him soon.  
Atch opened the door still shaking his head because of the joke and gestured for the younger one to get inside.

“After you.”

“Oh, I see you´re living the ideal of the british gentleman”, he suggested raising his eyebrows at the other one with a smile. “Thats right. Compared to you all, I am an educated man”, he snarled back with a grin back and took off his balcava.

His hair had grown long as well. And sometimes Atch thought they all looked like barbaric people from the wilderness.

Inside everyone was waiting impatiently for their arrival and a huge roar of relief filled the room when the two missing entered.  
Atch sat next to Oates, one of his best friends, who gave him a curious look.  
Straight ahead of him was Birdie. The man was happily eating his food, probably fully unaware of the things he made Cherry feel.

Sometimes Atch thought, that Cherry deserved someone better.

In the last few weeks, Meares and Oates had gotten closer and closer, and soon Atch felt left out during their philosophical talking sessions in the stable. Besides, he had other work to do. He had discovered a new parasite in the fur of some seals and spent quite some time researching and making plates for his microscope.

He also had to check on Teddy Evans almost daily, who had stupidly decided to make a trip during the antarctic winter on a bloody bicycle and needless to say, he got badly frostbitten.

Who the hell had brought the bicycle on board was another question, but Atch was almost sure he knew the answer.

The second thing he knew was that nothing new had happened between Bowers and Cherry.

It was midwinter's day tonight and that meant a feast, a great dinner and many stories. Oates and himself had already chosen the rum and the liquor for afterwards and all in all everyone knew it was going to be a great boozing.

“How´s work?”, suddenly Cherry was standing in the door, his brown hair was a mess, strands pointing in every direction.

“Did you just wake up? Or did you forget to comb?”, Atch asked, his eyes fixed on his microscope again.

“Ohhh, that. I had nightwatch and yes, I just woke up. Does it look that terrible? Maybe I should ask Anton to cut it before the midwinter's dinner...”

The older one chuckled. “Nah, it's fine Cherry! I mean we´re all men, no-one's gonna marry you tonight.”

The brunette turned silent and Atch realised what he just said.

“I mean, its really not that bad...”, he tried to save the situation but it was useless. He looked up from his microscope and diverted his gaze at Cherry.

“Can I see it?”

“What?”

“The parasites.”

“Oh! Of course! Come here.” Always happy when someone appreciated his work, and always eager to make others interested in his field too, he turned the microscope so that it faced Cherry.

The younger one bent over the table to take a look, only to stand up with a frustrated expression a few seconds later.

“I can't see anything”

“Maybe you should get your glasses?”

“Cherry!”, a third voice echoed through the room, and before the latter could answer, Birdie Bowers was standing in the door, waving with Cherry´s glasses in his hand.

“Found them on the table, just thought, you might need them”, a geniue smile flashed over Cherry's face. And Birdie returned it.

He gave Cherry the glasses and Atch tried not to notice how the brunette's hands were on the red haired ones for a bit too long.

“Atch was going to show me his parasites. Want to take a look at them too?” he suggested, still smiling at Birdie.

“Sure! Hullo Atkinson!”, the redhead exclaimed cheerfully and gave the doctor a big smile.

The latter greeted him back and suddenly felt a pressured silence among the three of them.

He knew he had promised Cherry to sort of bring them together, but he had basically no plan of how to do so.

Birdie awkwardly fumbled at the hem of his pullover and Cherry looked down as if the wooden floor was the most interesting thing he ever saw.

Atch found himself really dumbfounded and noticed that he wasn't a professional in this field at all.

“So”, he said awkwardly “Who first?”

“Ah, Birdie can go first I still need to clean my glasses..” the brunette snapped, as if he had just woken up of a daydream and started slowly rubbing the fabric of his woolen rollneck against his glasses.

The small man looked through the device and his mouth opened widly.

“Wow. That's great. Really great!”

Atch couldnt help but smile proudly at this comment.

“You´re splendid, really excellent!”, Birdie remarked again and took a step backwards to let Cherry look through the microscope.

The youngest adjusted his glasses, which actually didn't make him look that silly in Atchs opinion, and pressed them against the microscope, trying to see the small creatures.

He sighed disappointedly.

“All I can see is white... Of course, my eyesight! What would I give to have as good eyes as you”

This was obviously directed to Birdie and the doctor resisted to urge to roll his eyes, but then remembered that even the Owner had praised Birdie for his good sight in the depot journey.

“Is there no way to make it sharper?”, Birdie asked and laid a hand on Cherry's back. Atch looked at the scene suspiciously. His lab was definitely not the place for romantic approaches!

He sighed and moved next to Cherry, twisting some cogs, until he thought it should be close enough, that even the brunette could see it. He noticed that the latter's cheeks were reddened. Cherry hadn't shaved in a long time now and small black stubble had formed on his chin and lower cheeks, and a few strays of hair had fallen down on his forehead.

Then suddenly the latter seemed to see something.

He shrieked and nearly gave Atch a heart attack.

“I see it! They're really moving?”

“Of course they are! They're alive.”

Astonished, Cherry looked at Atch, who nodded proudly. After watching the creatures a few moments longer and after Atch had tried to explain some biological processes to them, (which Cherry tried to understand but his face told the doctor that he didn't), Birdie suddenly exclaimed:

“God! Dinner's in a few hours and I still need to check on the thermometers! Excuse me, guys!”

“I'll join you”, Cherry said quickly, and followed the man.

Atch leant back on the wall and thought. The silence between them seemed abnormal and also absurd because they usually got along very well. No wonder Cherry hadn't any clue if Birdie liked him that way too.

He shook his head. Why did he even care? It was not his problem. Cherry was the one in love, not him. He should be glad that he didn't have such nervewrecking problems in such a nervewrecking yet beautiful environment.

He left his work abandoned and helped the others with preparations for the dinner.

A few hours later, as some men, including Atch and Oates, were setting the table, the door was flung open and Cherry and Birdie hushed inside with red cheeks and noses, chuckling and laughing.

“Shut the door!”, Oates demanded, as the cold wind hit their faces, carrying a icy snowdrift inside. Birdie did and then disappeared with Cherry to their bunks in a suspicious manner.

Atchs eyes followed the pair. He wondered why they were on such good terms again. What had happened outside? In his head the weirdest and craziest theories formed, of Cherry confessing....  
Or maybe Cherry had lied to him all this time and he wasn't actually in love with Birdie and all this was just a bet or -

A hand waving in front of his face interrupted his train of thought, and he looked at Oates face, who had just waved at him. The latter raised an eyebrow.

“Everything ok? You seem so...absent-minded recently”

“Me? Absent-minded? You are the one who replaced me with Meares!”, Atch laughed and Oates seemed to get the joke and punched his shoulder.

“You're welcome in the stables, anytime! No what I actually meant was, you´re keeping a close eye on Cherry and Bowers, aren't you? Did they do something?”

The doctor laughed kind of hysterically.

“Why would I keep an eye on them?”

“Sorry, just thought something could be...”

“No old chap, everything´s fine, I just need a good drink."

“Oh yes! A brandy. Or a scotch! Let's have a drink tonight, Jane!”

“God, I hate when you call me that.” Atch rolled is eyes and continued to lay the remaining plates on the table.

A few minutes later Birdie and Cherry returned silently to the group, as if nothing had happened and didn't exchange a single word. They helped setting the table and avoided every approach of someone else.

Now Atch was really curious.

The dinner itself was fun and the food was glorious. People praised Clissold at least a thousand times and Atch could swear that he had never eaten something more delicious. Penguin liver and crystallised pineapple pieces on ice.

Everyone scraped the last bit from their plates and after that wine and water were replaced by rum and liquor.  
Oates rubbed his hands.

In this moment Cherry suddenly arose and touched his wineglass with a gable, letting a high shrill sound fly through the whole room and everyone was immediately silent.

“Well”, he started “Birdie and me have-

Suddenly Atch panicked. An unexplainable fear of things that might have happened oustide rushed through his mind, but before he was able to jump to conclusions, Cherry finished his sentence:

\- prepared something!”

And then Birdie, whom nobody had seen disappearing before came into the room with a big christmas tree in his arms. Everybody cheered and then uproar – it was impossible for anyone to speak.

Atch ignored his huge sigh of relief.

But the decoration and the tree itself was not all; there were small presents on the tree as well.

Birdie placed it onto the table and there was excitement among everyone gathered around the table.

They even had put up candles!

“Special thanks also to Crean and Taff Evans, who helped us to decorate the stuff”, Cherry mentioned smiling and everyone gave their applause.

There were letters and the most absurd toys of which Bill was the owner with name cards and sweets. It was really touching and everyone felt like they were at home, celebrating christmas with their families or as if they had travelled back in time as happy about their toy as they had been when they were young boys.

While unpacking some of the gifts they all sung and danced and Atch wondered if he had ever had a better Christmas.

The atmosphere was warm and welcoming and someone put on the gramophone soon after. The liquor and the rum were laid on the table and the men fetched their pipes and cigarettes and started to tell stories.

In between the great mess Atch caught Cherry's gaze and he smiled at him and the brunette smiled back.

Oates got three things that pleased him immensely. A toy gun and a sponge and a whistle. At first it was funny when he went around, making some weird speeches and poems and wiped the sponge across everyone's face. At intervals he blew the whistle and the doctor almost laughed out loud once, when he saw Wright's annoyed expression.

The Soldier then turned to Cherry and sat down beside him.

“Cherry, are you responsible for your actions?”

The latter chuckled and affirmed the question.

“if you want to make me really happy then you will fall down when I shoot you.”, he whispered in a low voice and acted as if he'd just shot Cherry.

The latter, who had been giggling at Oates' amusing behaviour all along before, fell down as if he was dead and just before he had fallen off the chair entirely, Birdie caught a hold of him and pulled him up. They both grinned and Cherry blushed.

Atch couldn't look at the scene.

Something always made him feel uncomfortable when an interaction between Cherry and Bowers happened.

He turned to his other side and heard Deb explaining some geological problems to Wright and that he had seen a stone that looked like his face. He listened to them for a while, sometimes he nod to make it seem like he was actually interested. But that was really not the type of conversation he wanted to be having right now.

Where was Oates when one needed him?

Before the he could shout the word Titus he already spotted him besides Meares' bunk. Meares had gone to sleep long ago since he had stayed up the whole night before; a dog was ill.

But now the Soldier had woken him up.

“Dearie, are you fancy-free?”

The dog keeper seemed fairly annoyed that someone had woken him up and he punched the Soldier's face lightly, before he turned over in his bunk.

Atch looked at Cherry again. The brunette was talking with Birdie and Bill about something and needless to say he was smiling all the time. Atch watched them some time and his lips curved in a smile as well; he remembered how they called Cherry “Cheery” on the ship sometimes because he simply was the happiest person they had on deck, with Crean in a close 2nd place.

Although some of the other scientists had complained about Cherry, since he was neither sailor nor scientist, he integrated quickly and adapted well and when Atch tried to imagine this expedition without him he did not like it at all.

All of a sudden Oates and Meares stomped outside and swung the door open. Oates staggered terribly.

He sighed and decided to follow them into the stable.

It was warmer than he remembered and the whole room smelled of horses and hay. Only a dim light was at the of the stable where they mostly cooked the food for the animals.

The dark eyes of the ponies followed his steps and as he saw Jehu, the pony he usually led he let his hand go through the mane of the beast and whispered “Hey, it's me.” A calm whicker followed and Atch smiled and started to pat it. The pony suddenly started to chew and nibble on the hem of his sleeve and he laughed.

“No, you can't eat my clothes, Jehu. When will you understand?”

“Atch!” was Oates sudden loud outcry which made him flinch and the ponies started to neigh and stomped against the frozen walls with their hooves. He cursed him mentally. “Didn't notice you followed us!”

“Shall I leave you two alone?”, he stated teasingly but Meares yawned and shook his head.

“No, stay. I won't be good company for Titus, since I'm dog-tired.”

this made Atch and Oates laugh and Meares eyed them, confused, probably too tired to realise the pun he just made.

Half an hour later when Meares had fallen asleep on the Soldier's shoulder and the latter had sobered up a bit Atch finally said the thing he'd been aching to say the whole time.

He put it short and simply.  
“Cherry is in love with Birdie.”

Oates, who had just taken a pull on his pipe, started to cough loudly and Atch didnt know if it was for real or just show. It took two minutes until he was able to speak again.

“That's a good one!”, he stated in his usually deep voice, but when the Doctor gave no answer he turned to look at him surprised. “Is it true?”

In this moment Atch was torn between sharing the secret with his friend but he had also promised Cherry to not tell it to anyone. But he could trust Titus, couldn't he? He would never go to Cherry or Birdie and tell them. And as long as Griff knew nothing they were safe and sound.

“I'm afraid yes.”, he sighed and took Oates pipe to take a drag as well.

And then he didn't know if it was the alcohol or the mood or the smoke that clouded his mind, but he started to rant.

“I mean Birdie? Really? What does he have that makes him attractive to Cherry? He's not even handsome. And his personality is, yes I must admit, couragious, selfless and brave but not loving or affectionate nor adorable. At least in my opinion.”

“That´s what you think. Cherry may think different about him. I´ve never really been in love, but I know that people fall for each other for the most mysterious reasons.”

Atch touched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, of course. You're right but... don't you think Cherry deserves someone... better? Someone who can appreciate him more? I sometimes think Birdie doesn't even understand what he's missing out on. If he really likes Cherry back, he needs to show it more.”

“maybe Birdie is just shy?”

“Oh, you don't get me.”

“I think I do, you act like you're jealous.”, was Meares' sudden comment, who apparently wasn't asleep anymore. Atch didn't know why but something made him terribly offended about this statement.

“I'm jealous? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard you say. You know nothing about this whole drama and it makes me sick because I play a role in it although I never asked for it and I came here to watch little parasites and see endless glaciers and not to hook up two fools and nurse bicycle accidents!”

The dog driver shot him a glare but then closed his eyes again.

“Alas! no reason to be harsh. Are they even together?” Oates asked calmly, taking his pipe back from Atch.

The latter ruffled his hair in frustration. “No! Not yet but they act like they are and this confuses me! Also I'm not very much of a help to Cherry. I need to tell him.”

“I don't really get why it frustrates you so much. As you told me, there is something going on between the two of them. They will get together in a few months, or realise that it's nothing. End of story. So why do you care?”

“I don't know. I promised Cherry that I would... Sort of bring them together but on the other side, every time I see them I want to throw up!” he half lied half said the truth and buried his smouldering head in his hands.

“Then maybe you really are jealous?”, was Oates careful thought now.

Atch frowned. “Did you really just say that?”

“Well, jealous to the effect that you just want to have a love story too? You feel neglected.” the horseman laughed.

Atch frowned again. “Yes, because you exclude me all the time and spend twentyfour hours of your day in this shabby stable, that stinks like a toilet.”

The Soldier and the dogkeeper chuckled. “We told you, you're welcome all the time! It's winter so we need to look after the animals too. They can get depressed as well.”

The dark black eyes of the horses met Atch's gaze.  
“A depressed dog won't pull a pound”, Meares sighed.

“What I wanted to say is that, you're hanging around with Cherry so much, that it makes you sad that he has a romance going on, meanwhile the next pretty girl is miles away from you. Get me?” Titus said and stirred in the hot mash for the ponies he had just put upon the fireplace.

Then it hit Atch. That it must be. That must be why he thought about it so often recently. That must be the reason why he hated when Cherry talked about Birdie, but at the same time wanted to know every little bit of their relationship.

He was jealous because he missed affection, touch, love, kisses and all that stuff.  
Not because he liked Cherry. Cherry wasn't his type at all.

“Wow you're a genius. Why haven't you been studying psychology?” He looked at Oates with a huge grin. Oates rolled his eyes. “Thanks. I just know you too well.”

As Atch left the stable, the voices faded in the background. He was happy to have got things straightened out with himself, and yet his headache had gotten worse and he would need something from the medical chest to get proper sleep.

As he walked towards the hut he could make out a person, standing alone on the icy surface, staring off into the distance. Clouds of frozen breath formed around him, without light. The hut seemed to be almost wholly dark.

Had they all gone to sleep yet? And who was standing there, all alone?

“Atch”, a soft voice said, the person waving slowly at him. It was Cherry.

"When one speaks of the devil..." he thought and approached the figure in front of their hut.

“Cherry, old man, everything ship-shape?”, he punched the younger one lightly.

“Yes, I'm right as rain...” he said characteristically, but Atch could hear a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Are you sure?”

The other man looked up and suddenly it was quiet. So very quiet. The Antarctic winter was usually quiet and one could hear a conversation two miles away but something was different this time. Maybe it was because the hut was silent as well and the animals, too. No dog barking, no horse stomping on the ice.

He heard Cherry take a deep breath.

“I just don't know what, I just... This is all hopeless. Birdie sees me as a friend, and how can I live knowing that, while I'm an emotional mess, he is only seeking comfort as a friend? You can't be just friends with someone you´re madly in love with.”

Atch said nothing. He stared into the black sky above him, looking at the tiny stars, the white, sparkling dots, that were nowhere as beautiful as in Antarctica.

He let the words sink in.

“...And also, why should he like me? I´m just Cherry. No scientist, like you. No strong Seaman, like Crean or Taff Evans, no adventurer like Meares, no Soldier like Oates. I'm just... me.” He whispered and a cloud of frozen breath escaped his mouth.

“Don't think so low of yourself, Cherry! Everyone here loves you. Nobody has a reason to dislike you and on top of that, I don't get why he shouldn't like you - I don't get how anyone could not like you.”, he replied honestly. Cherry turned his head, met his gaze and Atch immediately looked away.

“That´s flattering Atch. But Birdie is such an incredible, amazing, wonderful person, I´m sure he wouldn't chose me. I'm much too boring for him.” Cherry gave him a bitter smile.

“You are not, and I mean it. Where did your self-confidence go?” he shook his head and stepped closer to the other man. Suddenly they were standing face to face.

“Guess I never had it”  
Atch rolled his eyes.

“Listen, you really don't need to worry about yourself. You're great just as you are and if Birdie doesn't see that, then it's his damn own fault. Besides, as you know, you should never change for another person. That's not the point of love.”

Cherry smiled, although only a little, and Atch immediately felt a bit better.

“Ok.”, was the small answer but before they could continue their conversation Cherry pointed up to the sky.

“Atch! Look, the Aurora!”

And he looked up and saw it; like the language of mystic signs and portence. The inspiration of the gods – wholly spiritual – divine signals. It was impossible to witness the sight of such a beautiful phenomenon without the sense of an awe.

He'd seen it often during the winter period here, but never had it been so significant, so plainly breathtaking.

And so they were standing side by side, on the hard dark ice, silently watching the beautiful coloured curtains move across the starry horizon.

After a few minutes Atch diverted his eyes to Cherry, wanting to catch his expression, wanting to know if he appreciated the beauty of this phenomenal performance as well.

The brunette was looking at the dancing lights in the sky, mouth slightly opened, the gentle colours reflected in his warm eyes, a plume of his breath flowing around fading into air soon after.

He didn't look away, his eyes bound to the sight of the other man.

Cherry, he thought, was the amazing, incredible, wonderful person. And he deserved all the happiness and affection that one could give.

What?!”, the parasitologist’s scream of shock echoed through the stables, causing Christopher to neigh loudly. “A Winter journey?!”

“Well, as far as I understood-”, the dog keeper couldn’t even finish the sentence before Atch interrupted him again.

“To collect the eggs of an emperor penguin? The temperatures fall to -70°C sometimes!” the dark haired man ruffled his hair and took another pull on his pipe. “Who is going to participate?”

“Bill, Birdie and Cherry”, murmured Oates as he stirred the oats and hot mash for the ponies.

“Cherry?”, Atch gasped and a flash of panic struck him.

“Yes, he’s Bill’s assistant, isn’t he?”

“Yes I know but-” Suddenly, he couldn’t think of a rational reason that caused his panic. As long as he himself didn’t have to go, everything was OK, right?

“I’m just concerned about his condition, since he´s been coughing a lot lately”

He knew his answer wasn’t convincing, but he didn’t realise that his voice was shaking and he was talking unnecessarily loud.

“Oh God, Atch they wont die! Maybe they’ll lose a few fingers, like Peary did, or their feet, just like on the Franklin expedition, but it’s not like they’re jumping into the crater of Mt. Erebus!”, Meares said theatrically and shook his head.

At this thought the mans stomach turned and he rose from the wooden box they used as a chair in a hectic manner. “When are they leaving?”

“In about a week. But Dearie, no-one has made a winter journey before!”, The Soldier suddenly stated stopping to stir the porridge for his ponies.

“Wrong. Many russians have, when I was up there we-”

“But this is antarctica.”, Atch interrupted “Even the seals leave the continent during the winter. They will freeze to death!” The last few words were merely a whisper.

“Someone´s gotta do some things first. Like Columbus! He discovered America. He knew he may never come back, but he still did it. And now look what has happened.” exclaimed Meares, tapping out his pipe on the floor.

“You´re funny, comparing America to a penguin rookery.” Oates chuckled.

“None of you has the adventure spirit in you. Let the poor boy have some fun!”, the mustached man snickered and poured new tobacco into his black pipe.

Fun, thought Atch. Of course the brunette would have fun on this journey. He left the stables.  
Suddenly he felt his blood pumping through his veins, a raging anger, but also panic. His breath hitched up as if he had just run a marathon, but in reality, he had merely walked from the stables to the hut.

He must be angry because none has told him. Because he was only hearing it now, so very late before their departure, he said to himself.  
The manner in which he had swung the door open and burst in the room must have seemed a bit too energetic for those who had just gathered around the table, consisting of Scott, Wilson, Bowers, Cherry, Teddy Evans and, to Atch’s surprise, also Taff Evans. They all looked at him and an awkward silence crept through the room.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a meeting...” he eyed the sitting figures on the table suspiciously and stopped at Cherry, who raised an eyebrow at him, a questioning expression on his face, as if he waited for Atch to say something.

“Are you well, Atkinson?”, was now Bill´s comment, who looked at the other doctor, concerned.  
Atch was still breathing heavy for no reason and found that this must be the reason for the weird glances he was receiving.

“Oh, no I’m completely fine. Thanks! It´s just … you´re talking about the winter journey right?”

“We are! Planning is tough, especially since none has ever done this before so maybe it’s better if you leave us alone for now.”, the Owner stated, smiling at Atch.

“Sure, but can we talk later, Sir?” Scott looked at him bewildered “Is there a problem?”

“No.. I mean yes! I mean.. I guess it can wait. Excuse me.” He left the room and heard a chuckle from Teddy as he did so. He leant onto the cold outer wall of the hut watching the cloudy sky. Clouds meant blizzards.

For some reason he couldn’t come to terms with the idea of his colleagues staggering through the icy, Antarctic night; he couldn’t come to terms with idea of him going.  
He couldn’t believe that they would take Cherry with them. He was still young and far more inexperienced than Bill, who had been in the Antarctic before and Birdie, who was a naval navigator, a man of best qualification and also as hard as steel, concerning any weather conditions.

This meant that Cherry must have volunteered for the job. Which was actually no surprise, since Cherry was an adaptable helper, who always volunteered for any job. Atch remembered, that he had once helped him making plates for his microscope and they had laughed the whole evening.

The sound of Cherry’s laugh suddenly filled his mind and he couldn’t help but to let out a small chuckle, hoping nobody had seen or heard this.

But also for Birdie was going, too he wondered, if Cherry maybe had only volunteered because of Birdie. If this was the case, then he would gladly try to make him rethink his decision.

“Atkinson!”, somebody yelled his name from behind and the last thing he heard was a swift and the sound of skistocks scraping on the ice as this certain someone almost knocked him down.

“Damn! I’m sorry! I thought I could control the brakes by now...” the man muttered and gave Atch an apologetic smile.

“God, Deb you have to practise your skiing!” hissed Wright who had come down the hill a lot slower and more elegantly than Debenham, and rolled his eyes.  
Atch shook his head and laughed. 

“Don´t worry, old chap. What have you been doing?”

“Oh, we checked the thermometers! 50 degrees of frost!”, Wright exclaimed astonished and Deb nodded, a huge smile on his face. “On the coast it ought to be about -50°C by now! On the plateau, maybe -70°C!”

-50°C on the coast, that meant -50°C at cape crozier the aim of the winter party.

As if Debenham could read his thoughts he suddenly said: “the Cape Crozier party will be facing hard conditions! But as long as Birdie is with them nothing can go wrong I guess.”

“I still cant believe Bill chose Cherry and not me! He isn’t even a scientist.” Wright snarled and unzipped his boots from the skis.

“Wait, so Bill chose who would go with him?”

“Yes, himself as the chief zoologist, and Birdie as a navigator and organiser and strong man, and Cherry as his assistant, of course. He said that only these men can make such a journey possible. Maybe he’s right, I mean I’m a scientist but not a zoologist. I cant even pet Meares’ tamest dog...”, the Canadian stated and looked at the wolf-like creatures, that slept in their small wooden houses.

“They´re nice to you if you feed them!”, Deb giggled and Wright gave him an annoyed glare.

“Frank, everyone’s nice to you if you give them food!”  
They laughed.

“Cherry is far better than me in this aspect. He cares for Michael so dearly! Won’t be surprised if my pony hates me!“, there was affection his voice and Atch knew how well Cherry and Wright got along on the ship, being bunkmates and the youngest on the expedition.

Of course, he thought, everyone likes Cherry. Cherry is just wonderful in so many ways.

Suddenly when the clouds had passed, the moon showed up and was glowing in the dark. Ponting could even make photographs without flashlight sometimes, just because the moon gave them so much light.

There was a peaceful silence, until the door of the hut opened and warm yellow light was reflected on the cold icy-blue snow.  
“Atkinson? You wanted to talk?” It was the Owner. Hurriedly the doctor followed the voice and ran to Captain Scott, who shouted: “meet me in my cubicle!” and closed the door. It was cold again.

Atch opened the door and went inside. Many letters and papers lay on the table, theodolites and photographs of penguins and other documents spread on the big surface. They must have planned a big deal.

There was no sign of Cherry or Birdie, even Wilson seemed to have gone outside and it was oddly silent in the hut. He only spotted Petty Officer Taff Evans leaning on the door leading to the kitchen, smoking a pipe.

“Are you going, too? I thought it was only Bill, Birdie and Cherry.” he asked the seaman and observed the documents again. One was about the sledge weights. 300Lbs each per man.

“No, no I was just needed to help packing the sledge and organise stuff. Doing Birdies job since he’ll be away for 6 weeks now.”, the broad man answered.

“6 weeks!?” Atch tried not to yell or sound too shocked, although he was. They would never survive this.

He stepped inside Scott’s cubicle, astonished how much space there was, just as he did every time he got to be there. The photographs of Scott’s wife with their son greeted him and many books were piled on his small desk. One of these was Shackelton’s account of the Nimrod expedition.

He cleared his throat and the Owner suddenly looked up at him, shocked, as if he caught him in the act of something embarrassing.

“Oh, Dr. Atkinson! I didn’t even hear you come in. Beg my Pardon. What is it that you wanted to talk about?” He took a sharp breath.

“It´s about the winter journey. I mean, no-one has ever done such a thing. Debenham and Wright have checked the thermometers today; 70° of frost and the estimated temperatures for Cape Crozier lay beyond the -50ies! Our clothes are specialised for summer sledging not for the other seasons; let alone winter. I’m just... concerned.” he whispered, afraid that the others would hear him making a fuss about something like that, since he was usually known for his carefree attitude.

Captain Scott furrowed his brows and pressed the bridge of his nose. “I know. And I have tried to persuade Bill not to go at least hundred times. But he won’t listen to me. He wants to do this, and there’s no way to make him think otherwise.” the man sighed.

“But they don’t even know what they will have to face, Sir! The lack of light, how will they know where they´re going? What about the food, will it compensate the calories they burn?”  
“So many doubts”, the Owner whispered. “I feel like a fool to let them go but, they’re travelling for science. And if anyone of us can do it then these men.”

“Sir, I as a doctor, as a naval surgeon, I do not think that it would be a very wise decision to let them-”, the other man in the room suddenly stood up and patted his shoulder.

“Your concern is really touching, Dr. Atkinson. But everything´s been settled, and there’s no way back. I already made an emergency plan with them, and they promised me to turn back if they had to face any difficulties which we didn’t calculate for. How did Shackleton say? Better a live donkey than a dead lion!”

Atch knew these words. The Owner seemed to be obsessed by the idea to beat Shackleton, and studied his every report of the polar journey which was a few years ago, in 1907.

“Ok, Sir.”, was all he had left to say. His doubts were still there, but the idea of an emergency plan kind of calmed him. Bill was a rational person, he’d turn back if things went wrong.

“Oh Atkinson, since Bill is leaving you’ll be the chief doctor for the time they’ll be away. And also, since they will probably get badly frostbitten, you’ll have to nurse them when they get back. We’ll all help you, of course. How is Evans doing?”

“Evans is getting better. Thanks, Sir. That’s quite an honour! I’ll do my best.” he said, truthfully, and left the room. His mind was still clouded with doubts and insecurities but he tried to let them go. Maybe the owner was right, and if anyone could make it, then it would be Bill, Birdie and Cherry.

As he stepped in the main room the first thing he saw was Debenham and Taylor playing chess on the big table. All the paper stuff was gone. How long had he been talking with the Owner? It had felt like a few seconds to him.

“Oh hey Atch! Wanna join the next game? England v.s Australia?”, Simpson suggested merrily, flashing him a big smile. But Atch declined. He loved chess but nevertheless his mind was occupied with other things, right now.

“Oates and Meares are in the stables. If you´'re looking for them,” Ponting suddenly exclaimed, holding a steaming mug of tea in his hands.

“Where's Cherry?” was his quick answer. It just rolled off his tongue and before he wondered why he wished to talk to the latter so desperately, Ponting answered: “Oh they're´ in the work room. Preparing sledges and rations. All that stuff."

When Atch opened the heavy door that lead to the workroom, the sweet smell of fresh wood and leather welcomed him and in the corner of the room he saw Crean and Keohane packing the sledge. Meanwhile Cherry and Birdie were weighing rations or pemmican, biscuits and butter.

His presence was acknowledged with a nod from Crean, Birdie and Keohane. After Cherry'´s eyes met his, the younger ones lips curved into a smile. He immediately approached him.

“Can I help you?”, he offered but the man next to Cherrry, Birdie, declined, saying that they were almost finished with the rations by now and that he should help Crean and Keohane with the sledgework instead.  
The Scotsman's face was red and his sweaty forehead was shining in the dim light, for he was concentrating on the weight of the biscuit banks to get it as exact as possible.

Birdie had always been a perfectionist.

“Oh, come on, it's faster when three people do it.” Atch muttered and pressed himself in between Birdie and Cherry, helping them with the rations.

There was pemmican in cold cans, enough for a four men team in the summer and a lot of butter; so much that it made Atch sick to his stomach. The biscuits were as hard as usual and there were underbaked and overbaked ones, of which the underbaked ones were preferred during winter. And last, but not least, a lot of cocoa and tea.

During the evening which consisted of weighing, cutting and preparing any kinds of rations, his already bad mood only became worse when Cherry explained to him that they were trying out some diets on the journey and that he had volunteered for eating only carbonates, which meant only biscuits during the trip.  
Atch, as a doctor, knew it was a dangerous thing. Sledging burns a lot of caloriens and the only way to gain them back is eating fat; a lot of fat.

But discussing was useless, Cherry seemed too euphoric, too keen and enthusiastic about this whole thing and so all Atch could do was so to give him some merciful glances and pray.

At the same time he wondered whether he would be as concerned as he was, if Cherry wasn't going.  
Although he hadn't quite confessed it to himself yet, the only thing he was worrying about was the younger man and he hadn't any reasonable explanation to himself as to why.

Not only the thought of not seeing him for 6 weeks, not hearing his giggles, not having long conversations with him or not listening to his soft rhythmical breath when he fell asleep in the bunk next to his, but also the image of Cherry pulling a heavy sledge in -70°, stomping through a blizzard, his clothes hard as steel due to the cold, simply the image of him suffering bothered him immensly and whenever it crossed his mind his heart slighty ached.

And what was the prize? A penguin's egg.

Needless to say he hid his anxieties and worries and didn't show any sign of unease while cutting the cold hard pemmican, he was stoically smoking his pipe, just like always.

They still had 3 days together here at Cape Evans before the Crozier party would leave. And maybe they would turn back after a few days, held up by the realisation of the bad weather and the hostile climate of Antarctica.

Atch was cutting and weighing out pemmican for pemmican and the pile of unopened canns never seemed to have an end.  
The thin metal cans were sliding over his rough hands every time he opened one of them and as time when by his hands were red and started to hurt from all the work.

He didn't even pay attention to what he was doing anymore, his hands worked like machines.  
He watched Birdie and Cherry talking about the journey in a thrill of anticipation as if it was something to look forward to, a birthday party or something like that but he was forced to look down at his hands again when he felt a striking pain rushing through his left palm.

Thick red liquid was running down his wrist and the metallic end of the can was stained with blood. It wasn't a huge cut, but Birdie, who always had had a strong distaste for blood, immediately left the room to get the medical chest, despite Atch's reassurances that everything was OK.  
“If your infect your hand like Forde, you can prepare to go home, Atkinson!” Crean laughed behind them, tying some things on the sledge, his pipe wiggling in his mouth as he spoke.

Cherry took the other knife, as Birdie left the room, and continued to cut the truncated can of Atch's pemmican. There was an uneasy silence.

“You seem to be very spirited about the whole trip?”, Atch asked, carefully not looking at the other.

“Yes, I am! I can't wait for it to be honest. It will be hard but it will pay off.”

“You know, that this is like the most dangerous thing mankind has ever done?”

“Yeah probably. But it's an honour for me to go and also if Peary can go to the north pole and we can go to the south pole next year, then we can also do this.”

“Thats right, Cherry! Optimism!”, was Crean's comment.

Cherry joined Crean's laughter and again took the knife in his dirty hands to cut the other cans of frozen meat that were still left. Atch stood now behind him, facing his back.

Atch sighed. “I'm just worried?” he confessed silently and looked at the sledges behind him. The “About you”, got stuck in his throat.

“Hey,”, Cherry turned around and got a hold of his shoulders so that they were facing each other. Cherry's eyes were warm, brown and big, as always, and Atch had a hard time not getting lost in them. “That's really sweet of you, but we'll come back, with the penguin eggs and then we'll celebrate together. And then,” he smiled at him and his white teeth were showing. Cherry's smile was simply gorgeous, Atch thought, “Then we'll go to the pole!”

He nodded and smiled back. For some reason he never wanted this moment to end.

After the winter journey plans had been revealed to the whole crew, there was much to do in the hut and Atch had little time to concentrate on his parasites. Besides, he had other priorities now; Cherry, Bill and Birdie were to get safely to Cape Crozier and he, as a naval surgeon, checked on them almost daily.

All of the three were topfit and although Atch didn't like it, he wrote the Owner a report of their health and suggested they were in the perfect condition to undertake the journey.

The sledge rations and weights had been perfected over the last few days and Seaman Evans had spent a lot of his time mending several sleeping bags and winter clothes. Meares was asked to test the new doublecloth tent on one of his regular journeys to hut point, for the Cape Crozier party was to use it.

During the stressful days of preparation, and when Meares had left for hut point, Atch let out his frustration about the whole journey on Oates, who was always willing to listen.  
As they were stirring in the hot mash for the ponies, Titus asked the question that Atch had asked himself at least a dozen times.

“Why are you so stressed? It's not your journey and when they're gone you can all go back on researching and petting your parasites.”  
Atch knew his friend was right about that, but he couldn't find an answer himself. He knew he was worried about the three men, and connected this to his natural want for people to be well; that was at least one of the reasons why he became a doctor.

Every time he thought of Meares' trips to hut point, ridiculously comfortable compared to the one Cherry, Bill and Birdie were to undertake, he remembered the icy mustache, the frostbitten fingers, the weary look on his face and all the other unpleasant things of a winter journey.

Meares needed two days, on good weather conditions only one, to get to hut point. But Cherry and the others would need more than ten days, and they wouldn't have a hut with a working stove there.

It was deadly dangerous.

“I dont know, old chap. I guess I'm just curious about the whole thing.”, was his lame answer.

Oates smirked and raised an suggestive eyebrow at him but Atch chose to ignore it. "They're departing tomorrow morning."

“I know”, he breathed.

Dinner was unusually quiet, probably because he was not the only one concerned about his 3 colleagues going on a winter journey, Scott, and for some reason also Sunny Jim, seemed uneasy during the meal.  
In honour of Cherry, Bill and Birdie, Clissold served penguin steak.

Birdie suggested to enjoy it since it would probably be the last decent meal they would have before endless times of pemmican, biscuits and butter.

And he was right.

As always, someone put on a record on the gramophone after a while, and some of the scientists either battled each other in chess and other board games or continued with their observations. The seamen would sing in their corner of the hut and Scott was busy writing in his holy diary.

As for Atch, he was in the middle of a cardgame with Deb, who was eager to win, and so he did, since he himself just couldn't concentrate. Something was in his head bothered him, making his mind wander all the time.

“Damn this business!” he exclaimed, and laughed as Deb threw the last card on the table.

“You owe me a cigarette, Atch!” said the scientist as he looked at the stack of cards proudly. Atch nodded, remembering he also owed Oates two cigarettes, and Teddy Evans one.

He decided to stand up and leave the table. He was terribly tired and needed some proper sleep. During the Antarctic night, when the sun didn't show up at all, it was difficult to maintain a healthy sleeping pattern. And maybe, he would finally get this one thing out of his head.

When he wanted to disappear behind the curtain that parted their bunks, the ones of Cherry, Meares, Birdie, Titus and his own from the huge table, he found Deb quite shocked at his early leave.

Atch chuckled at the thought that Oates, Silas, Deb and himself were usually the last that sat on the table, either discussing something or drinking wine.

“He just doesn't want to lose any more cigarettes!” Griff suggested and the whole crew shot off in uproar. He really had a talent for entertaining.

Birdie, Cherry and Bill had turned in hours earlier, since they had a hard march ahead of them and so Atch found Birdie sleeping loudly in the bunk on top of Cherry's, who was peacefully slumbering, tugged up in a reindeer sleeping bag.

He looked pretty cute, he thought.

The man's brown locks lay loosely on his forehead, the sleeping bag covering his body from toes to nose, and his eyes deeply shut. Cherry's glasses lay beside him. A loud snore from Birdie woke Atch up from his trance and he started to undress.

Putting on the night pyjamas was no joy, when the maximal temperature in the hut was about 7°C in winter, and the men usually made a competition who was first; Simpson led the record by 20 seconds.

Halfway into his sleeping bag, Atch heard a soft noise. Cherry was probably sleeptalking again and he directed his gaze to the younger one with an amused grin.  
But Cherry wasn't sleeptalking.

“Atch? Is this you?” a sore voice asked.

“Yes, did I wake you up?”, he whispered as Cherry poked his head out of the sleeping bag and smiled lazily at him.

“No, not at all... I just can't sleep." As Cherry had finished his sentence, the loud laugh of Teddy Evans echoed through the room, “Too loud.”

Atch smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, when Teddy and Griff are turning in, we will have peace.” And after we manage to ignore Birdie's snoring he wanted to add but didn't, since he knew how fond Cherry was of the redhead.

Atch looked at the other man and suddenly found it incredibly hard to imagine that the bunk next to his would be empty for the next few weeks. They both had the low bunks and sometimes when he couldn't sleep he looked at Cherry dozing next to him, and if he didn't start to sleeptalk he would equally fall asleep.

“Can I come over?" he whispered and Cherry looked at him, surprised.  
“I mean, I just want to sit down and wish you good luck for a moment...” Atch immediately hushed as he had received no answer.

The latter nodded eagerly. “Of course!” he shot Atch a smile and he ignored how hot his cheeks were as he climbed out of his bunk and sat down at the edge of Cherry's bed.

“Tomorrow there will be too much tumult to say goodbye properly," he said quietly and took one of the brunette's hands.

Cherry's hand in his felt soft and warm.

“So, please be careful and come back safely! Otherwise I'll go to these damn penguins myself and shoot them all!” The both of them chuckled, and Cherry laughed quietly into the fur of his sleeping bag.

“I will, don't worry about me.” He whispered, squeezing Atch's hand.

Cherry was looking at him, his warm brown eyes almost shone golden as the dim light from the table lit them, and suddenly Atch didn't want to ever let Cherry go, not alone on this winter journey. He wanted him here, with him.

“I will miss you,” he blurted out "A lot.”

Smiling warmly at him, Cherry let go of his hand and patted his shoulder. “I will miss you too, Atch. Three weeks and then we'll see each other again hopefully, so you won't have to shoot a whole penguin colony!”  
They laughed again.

Three weeks are too much, he thought secretly but didn't say it.  
Recently, he had often caught himself thinking about Cherry, and it started to freak him out, so Atch decided to ignore these thoughts.  
He wanted to hug Cherry. To give him a long warm hug and smell his sweet scent a last time.  
But Atch didn't.

He just smiled at the younger man awkwardly.

“Sleep well, Cherry old man.”  
“Same goes for you”, he replied sleepily.

Back in his bunk Atch couldn't sleep. His hand was craving the warmth of Cherry's, and he pressed his head in his pillow to cool his burning cheeks.

The next day, he watched Birdie, Bill and Cherry walk off into the darkness, dragging their heavy sledges, already crusted with ice, with them.

And, after giving “the winter knights”, as Griff jokingly called them, three cheers, all Atch hoped for was that they would return safely – and that Cherry would find the little bar of chocolate he had hidden in the younger one's sleeping bag, before they set off.

And a realisation. 

When he saw the party set off and Cherry leaving, a part of him stayed with Atch. Not only a flicker of hope of their early return, but also an idea, a fragment of an imagination. Cherrys smell, his warmness, the colour of his eyes; oh how could he forget. 

Something in his chest started to ache when he only thought about the other man. Atch couldn’t describe it. If this was love then all the poems must be true after all? 

If he was in love, then the saying that love will bring you pain, bittersweet pain, that can push you into crevasses you´ve never known existed, it would be all true. 

And he was going to give it to Cherry when they would come back.

A whisper: “I´m waiting here for you.”

It didn’t matter to Atch whether he was loved back and for a fact he knew he wasn’t, but Cherry deserved love and who was he to deny it to him, when Cherry himself was the one brought it to Atch - brought the warmest emotion to the coldest of places on earth.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this i recommend you to read [this book](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Worst_Journey_in_the_World) :)


End file.
